If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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