I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
