My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
