can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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