there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
