I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize