Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
