i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
