I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We need to get me chipped asap
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
