no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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