he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
