i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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