I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
