I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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