I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
