Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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