too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
