yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
