yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
