Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
