You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
