She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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