I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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