Just cropdusted the office
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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