i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
