You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
