Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
