We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
