I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
