My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
