C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
