The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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