he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
