Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I faked an abortion last night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
