dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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