She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
