we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
