I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
