Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Boobs speak an international language.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
