You made me cry and you don't even care
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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