Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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