I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize