OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
