They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
