i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
