woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
