Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
