Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize