This is not my ceiling
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everything about him screamed your future.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
