I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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