It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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