i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's always time for handjobs
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize