I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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