turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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