Plan B is the new Plan A
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize