So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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