I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just invented taco cereal.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
