I cannot find my penis.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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