Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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